If you’ve ever been asked the question “When are you having children?” you’re not alone. As a matter of fact, it’s probably safe to say that every single woman over the age of twenty has been asked this question at least once.
And for what reason?
Why the obsession with the insides of our uterus? If people truly were so concerned about our reproductive cycles and habits, wouldn’t they fight to protect them? Or are they so overwhelmed by the endless gift that is raising children that they just want to live vicariously through every woman they encounter?
Here’s a tip: the next time you feel compelled to ask a woman when she’s having children and inflict your unwanted opinion onto her after she responds with her truth, don’t.
It’s that simple.
But to the women who this happens to and will continue to happen to, we’ve crafted five comebacks to the question, “When are you having children?” Feel free to mix and match, spice it up, tone it down, or whatever you fancy. The words will be leaving your mouth, and we believe in your body, your choice around here.
Five Comebacks to When Are You Having Children?
- I don’t believe our current political climate is conducive to raising a healthy child who will thrive in all stages of his, her, or their lives.
- I don’t think I’d like for all of that to happen to my vagina, but I respect that you didn’t mind for it to happen to your vagina.
- Well, since you asked, the way my uterus tilts doesn’t really allow for me to receive a fertilized egg and house it in my womb safely, therefore the probability I could carry a fetus full-term is low, and that diagnosis was challenging to overcome emotionally, and I’d rather not put myself in a position to potentially miscarry, because I’ve been through that several times before in discovering the uniqueness of my reproductive system.
- I don’t want kids, Janet.
- This question is intrusive and absolutely none of your business.
I understand why people ask this. They’re curious. They want to know when you, a woman, will reach a milestone that is prized by some as the greatest achievement of all. And for some women, it is. Some women dream of becoming mothers, and it’s their biggest wish. And that is absolutely wonderful and perfect and uniquely their own experience. But, for many women, they don’t dream of motherhood. It isn’t even on their radar. And that’s okay, too.
When we work to normalize not wanting children, we begin to foster more inclusive environments and conversations, and when those exist, life just becomes more comfortable for all involved.
And don’t you think we all deserve a little bit of comfort? Safety? Regardless of how we choose to live our lives?
So, the next time you feel compelled to ask a woman when she’s having children, don’t. Instead, consider that your curiosity could be making her uncomfortable. Consider that perhaps she is unable. Consider that perhaps she simply does not want to.
And whatever the reason may be, it is enough.
