Here’s a line I never thought I’d write; Paul Rudd’s got me thinking. Netflix’ dystopian comedy-thriller ‘Living With Yourself’ encourages us to face our desperate search for self-improvement.
He’s ‘settled’ with a cool wife, a decent salaried job and a large suburban NY home. In his inability to recognise his quality of life – and options – he goes to “Black Mirror” style lengths to create a better version of himself. The question that had me stuck-in-the-Rudd; at what point does our interest in self-improvement become an unhealthy obsession?
Susan Jeffers’ “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” was one of the first books that I bought for myself. I was easing into my teenage years, and it was closely followed by heavy texts on the treatments and supposed causes of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. What I recognised in myself as a fascination with understanding the way I tick, has also become the mainstream road taken by many young women in the 2010s. I’ve very much been on that road, too.
The media and marketing have always had their way with us; pre-digital era, we were prompted by TV adverts to strive for glossier hair and encouraged by beautifully dressed mannequins to enter a shop and part with our cash. Now, it’s not about upgrading ourselves aesthetically – that’s not enough. The contemporary culture of self-improvement is demanding that we do all of these things, whilst upgrading our souls, our perspectives and our intelligence.
On the dawn of the decade’s expiration, we’re taking with us the multi-million-pound industries that are wellness holidays, self-help books, the increasing popularity of private therapy and, sigh – Instagram likes. So, how have we convinced ourselves that we’re so broken?
“I think young women are concerned with self-improvement. Almost obsessed – I’m guilty of this, too”, says Melbourne based DJ Cassie Walker. She cites the ‘12 week challenge’ and its time-conscious variants as a major factor – a goal-setting trend that, when applied to social media, encourages dramatic visual change. “We’re constantly comparing to the last year or ten years, as we’re constantly compared with the growth of visual-based social media platforms like Instagram”.
Whether we use it as a comparison tool, or to assess our personal worth by the number of likes we receive on a post, we can agree that social media is a mood moderator, Thankfully, the app is trialling the removal of visible likes across Ireland, Italy, Japan, Brazil and New Zealand, after being initially tested in Canada. In Australia – where Cassie lives – it’s been a few months since likes have appeared on posts. “At first it was if the world has ended”, she explains.
She was also concerned about how it would affect her role as a broadcaster and Digital lead at Australian radio station, Triple M. “Now, a few months in”, she says, “I forget there were even visible likes. It’s opened more conversations within online communities. It was a very strong call by Instagram and one that I think will impact the future of social media”.
For those in the countries that aren’t yet trialling a no-like landscape? Thankfully, the likes of Jameela Jamil, Celeste Barber and Megan Jayne Crabbe are some of the social media heroes that are upgrading our feeds from fake Instagram shininess to comedy roast realness.
We have to ask the question though, is social media the only reason? One thinks “Helllll no” with the GIFs to boot.
Self-help books reached record levels of sales this year. Nielsen Book Research has documented that three million self-help books were sold within 12 months from 2018-2019. There’s no shame in diving into Jen Sincero’s manifestation-inspired ‘You are a Bad Ass’ or Tim Ferriss’ ‘Four Hour Work Week’. Self-help books, or pop-psychology reads, can be hella inspiring, and more often than not, promote positive, doable change. However, that’s not to say that too much of a good thing isn’t, well, a thing. We’ve long been feeding ourselves the toxic narrative that we are broken, and it is our responsibility to fix ourselves. We’ve embraced that responsibility with our purses and wallets.
How can we be surprised to realise that we’re anxiously checking ourselves all through the day? We’re overwhelmed with information. In the news. Podcasts. Facebook marketing. Our tampon boxes. Ads everywhere; ads at the bus stop, ads on our apps, ads in our magazines, ads in shop windows. Messaging, consumerism; “YOU NEED THIS”. In other words, as you are, you are not enough.
What better way to address the idea that you are less than, than by giving yourself the soft blow of a holiday to help you become more. As travel journalist Lottie Gross points out, the wellness industry has been established for a century, with spa breaks dating back to the Victorian era.
However, there’s been a shift; “Adverts and articles in the media encourage you to ‘reconstruct your mind and body’, ‘cleanse’ and ‘detox’ – as if we were all broken and desperately needed fixing in the first place”, says Lottie. “We probably are all a bit broken in various ways, but the solution isn’t to punish ourselves and invest thousands of pounds in wellness retreats to help us fix it. I think wellness travel and general travel companies selling solutions to our problems is a dangerous and toxic culture.
Digital detoxes, juice cleanse retreats, forest bathing… Some are genuinely enjoyable and good for you (who doesn’t enjoy hanging about in forests, after all?), but the key is to sort the chaff from the wheat”. These travel experiences aren’t to be dismissed, though. Lottie adds that “some retreats are simply out there to make money from you, whereas others have genuine experts and even medical professionals on board who can actually help you on whatever journey you wish to take.
Essentially, do your research, and avoid anything that uses the word ‘miracle’ to sell itself”.
Self-improvement or the desire to reach an aspirational version of ourselves isn’t a bad thing; the hunger to learn, be ambitious and to expand our presence should never be starved – but nor should it be forced out by a culture that wants us to believe that there’s work to be done.
Therapy, self-help books and – damn – even social media, are incredibly positive tools; I use all three of them regularly. If you’re on a journey to expanding yourself in a positive way, be clear on what your finishing line is, to avoid a toxic, continual strive.
You are not broken. Go hang out in a forest by all means; just know that you’re perfectly complete as you are.
